Making Cycling Fun!!!!!

Word has reached me that Gary is feeling a bit down following our punishing and exhaustive breakfast-eating/cycling training so this weekend I am going to make an extra special effort to cast aside my "that bloke looks like he's just been given a week to live... and he's spending it in Tipton" demeanour and make everything a lot more fun this week! (look I'm even using exclamation marks and everything).

Firstly there will be constant high-fiving, air-punching and whooping as we mount our bikes and head up Cubbington road, I've also got us both dayglo Wham T-shirts with CHOOSE LIFE written on and have rigged up a stereo on my handlebars to play a constant medley of the Theme From Rocky, Walking On Sunshine and Alright by Supergrass.

In case of any tough sections I've got a selection of motivational phrases to trot out, including "Push it big man, push it!!", "No pain, no gain" and "YOU. THE. MAN!!". Any rest stops will be met with a firm, manly slap on the arse, an invigorating shoulder rub and the constant mantra of "You are just doing a GREAT JOB TODAY!".

In case this isn't enough - to further lighten the mood I'm also going to be wearing massive trousers with a hula-hoop for a waist-band, big floppy shoes and a flower that squirts water in unsuspecting people faces. Plus I've put square wheels on my bike and rigged it so that every time I stop the pedals will fall off, steam will come out of the axles and the saddle will shoot up while making the noise of a swanee whistle.

If that doesn't do the trick, then I will have to concede that maybe I am just a bit miserable and in a final attempt to cheer things up might have to let him off the bet he lost when the mighty CCFC crushed Brum the other weekend. Only as a last resort though.